by: Thisknee
Deokman to Bidam
You appeared before me in the middle of my melancholy.
You nonchalantly winked me, as if you already know I was a female.
When I was myself, I would have confronted the likes of you.
You did things as you pleased.
You really don’t care about those kinds of things.
After which, you saved me one day in the claws of demise.
You did fight with blood stains on your face.
I have thought there and then your something else.
However you sold me in exchange of medicines.
And when I was about to end my life
you came rushing after me to save me once again.
Then you noticed the most hare brained story you ever heard of
as I turned to a sacred bone from ordinary nangdo.
When you learned the truth you were not particularly shocked.
You plainly addressed me and I told you to continue doing so.
You were the last one who treated me like my old self.
And after I returned to the palace you brought me flowers.
Held my trembling hands and touched me
as your eyes were filled with concern.
But you started to change formally when you addressed me respectfully.
You gave to me your greeting to do things together with me.
I can’t even begin to imagine what would have happened
If you weren’t by my side during every crisis I faced.
I planned to entrust you a paramount position.
Because I’m confident I could entrust you the most secretive matters.
But when I entrusted you your first mission,
you changed with unknown reason.
You lied to me when I asked you that day.
If you leave just like that, it’s over between you and me.
Now everything seems different when we both lost our parents.
Two different worlds between us change each other’s feelings.
It’s like becoming you as my blade,
one able to slice off any malfeasance, that kind of blade.
But you’re indeed a double-edge blade,
should anyone try to wield it will only hurt themselves.
Do you even realize how difficult you are forcing upon me?
Do you really have no intention of gaining power through me?
Do not even think of possessing me,
I implore you do not force me.
I can see the fealty and devotion you are showing.
Just like your desire for me and how much you cherish.
But do you know what I must envy your mother?
That she was not wearing the crown I am wearing.
Think I wouldn’t like to lean into love,
spending a life caressed by kind words and consoled by someone?
Think that those hands of yours touched me my heart wouldn’t throb?
However it is not possible for all I am is a ruler.
As long as this crown adorns my pate nobody can ever possess me.
I have changed at the very moment I lost my name.
All I am now is “Her Majesty”, nobody can call my name.
Even if it’s devotion that move you to do so,
all creation will c onsider it an act of treason.
You became nothing more than my influential subject. For I am the ruler who must always suspect
on whether you’ll become my another contender.
Your devotion for me is something I fear.
Do you even realize how arduous that is?
Do you even realize how I wish to trust you?
And rely upon you? Do you?
One day suddenly everything changed.
Some tried to slay me as I was a princess.
Other’s protected me for the same reason and before my very eyes met their demise.
And all those who survived knelt before me addressing me with reverence.
But you must stay by my side.
Not does who constantly press and urge me
but someone to make eye contact with
someone who brings me flowers,
whose histrionics always comfort me and even holds my trembling hands
make me feel even more lonesome.
Even if you had ulterior motives, I didn’t care.
Because looking at you is like staring at my old self.
I tried to hamper it even stop it.
Purposefully, I did it all.
For I thought such trivial feelings could never befit a ruler.
Only you think of me as a person and as a woman.
Love you for liking me as one.
Bidam, you must be the one.
to be cont..
Bidam to Deokman
I am like a duck, after escaping the egg,
I follow the first one I see at all cost.
And it’s you the very first person I saw.
The very first person who told me ‘thank you’.
I’m not capable of giving someone my compassion
but something went wrong and I’m feeling somber.
You were in dire straits and I wanted to help you.
Even without knowing your identity I saved you.
Then I planned on working for the sake of you.
I wanted to walk on the same path as you do.
Together I wanted to share the same dream
It’s not because you’re the princess but because the princess is you.
You asked me why I started to speak to you formally.
First, as I watched you carry on with your mission
you seem to be a much bigger person.
Second, I intend on serving you as my master.
Is there truly nothing I can help you with?
It just seems like there is not much I can do to help.
If you try to do things all by yourself,
next time I will not come to your rescue again.
I must be in love with you as you brought compassion out of me.
I remembered I sold you and you’re still thankful to me.
You’re about to be a ruler but you easily say words like ‘thank you’ and ‘sorry’.
I liked your idea so much since I enjoyed your trust.
You only entrusted me important task.
You said, there is no better candidate other than me.
Whatever my answer is, you will believe everything I say.
But life must be ironic on us when I learned my identity.
You are the king’s daughter and I am the son of your enemy.
It seems like someone as unworthy as I am
would have felt conflicted and confused,
to tell you not or to tell you the truth.
Then I would end up becoming someone you have no use.
I wouldn’t want to mention what I felt for doing that to my own mother.
For I stood on your side and not to her as you attempted to eliminate her.
But why now? Why only now?
Her final words she left me with is to deal with what she couldn’t achieve.
Shall I take everything away from you without reserved?
Then what do I think love is?
Is it stealing without reserved or regret?
Will I try to gain the throne by gaining your heart?
Or try to gain this country to gain your heart?
Why this? Tell me the reason?
Is it lack of confidence that move your decision?
Why would I have to face this treatment?
If his by your side, should for me it be the same?
You warned me to not even think of you possessing.
But that’s what I want, that’s what cherishing someone means.
I have no intention of haggling away my feelings.
If I may dare say so, I am in love with you.
If all you love is this country, I’ll become what you love.
For you already represent this country in my heart.
If you end up choosing me,
I’ll save this nation, you, your people, and everything you cherish.
Why are you not looking at me? Is it because you cannot trust me?
I was the one who cause my mother’s death and it was merely for your sake.
You have change; the first time we met was extending me your thanks.
Whatever the reason it does not concern me
for it was the first time I had heard such words.
You were the only one who did not point at me your fingers.
What the world around me considered insolence, you called it confidence.
What they called cruelty, you praised it as courage supporting me all the way.
What they chastised as vile subterfuges, were lauded by you as brilliant strategies.
And on a certain day when I lost my mother,
you didn’t fill with reproach like now but with compassionate embrace.
So why are you calling my same sincerity,
and my earnest desire to protect you a subterfuge?
Do you no longer consider me sincere to you?
Can’t you see the fealty and devotion I am showing you?
It was surprising to know that my histrionics always comfort you.
That you tried to hamper it and even stop your feeling,
yet decided that by your side I must be the one to stay.
If I was the last one who treated you like your old self
Then with undying devotion I will stay.
Though I realized how difficult I was forcing you then,
You can really trust me and rely upon me.
Now I know what you were anxious about.
Trust me; I will not follow what my mother couldn’t have.
I will not take away but give,
I will not gain but give up and achieve something together.
You can really trust me and rely upon me.
I shall renounce the path to the throne.
More than a long lasting legacy, more than any such dream.
I found a light which shines even more.
It’s your love for me and the devotion I have for you.
There was a covenant I personally wrote.
Should you leave this world before me I do
I shall relinquish all my powers leaving the secular world.
For someone like me, whose nation would mean nothing without you.
to be cont..
Thisknee Land 