One day suddenly everything changed
Some tried to slay me as I was a princess
Others protected me for the same reason
and before my very eyes met their demise
And all those who survived knelt before me,
addressing me with reverence.
After which, one day, you appeared before me
As if you did not have a single care in this world
You plainly addressed me
and I told you to continue doing so.
You were the last one who treated me like my old self
And when I returned to the palace,
you brought me flowers
Held my hands and touched me
as your eyes filled with concern
I cannot even begin to imagine
what would have happened
if you weren’t by my side during every crisis I faced
And even if you had ulterior motives, I didn’t care
Because looking at you was like staring at my old self
I have changed at the very moment I lost my name
Even if it’s devotion that moves you to call me,
you mustn’t do it
However you must stay by my side
Not those who constantly press and urge me,
those who make me feel even more lonesome,
but someone to make eye contact with
Someone who brings me flowers
and even holds my trembling hands
I tried to hamper it, even stop it
Purposefully, I did it all
For I thought such trivial feeling couldn’t ever befit a ruler
Only you think of me as a person, as a woman
I love you for loving me as I am
Bidam, you must be the one.
I fell anxious, daunted and sad.
Am I going to cry again?
My legs would become weak.
My face would turn red.
My heart starts throbbing.
I would then clench my teeth when tears begin to flow.
Any way I look at things,
I just keep thinking about having to disappear in the end.
I don’t know anymore.
I haven’t really given a thought about giving up on anything.
But I really want to succumb to something.
Nobody’s left to protect me now.
All by myself, I must protect this country, my people and the ones I cherish.
Nobody will be able to fight or suffer on my behalf.
I can neither trust nor mistrust anyone.
Must I really do that without relying upon anyone?
Must I really walk this path all by myself?
Will I able to?
Can I vanquish solitude without fear?
The path ahead of me would be arduous.
And it would be painful.
I would lose my loved ones and experience utmost loneliness.
It will be more barren and dim than in the desert.
For it will seem like I have the world.
But in truth I will not be able to gain anything.
But still, I must endure it.
Endure it to the end.
A new character appears in historical drama Queen Seon Deok. He is Kim_Nam_Gilplaying the role of Bi-dam. We came to know about Bidam when he appeared in the drama series when both Yushin Rang and Deokman were resting while a long trail of hiding from their enemies. Later on, he saved Deokman when the latter was surrounded with enemies. The next thing he did, he asked Deokman to confide to Munno, his master, that he helped both Yushin and Deokman. Bidam once saved Deokman when she was still nangdo and many times after when she turned Princess. And later on helped her way to the throne.
WHO IS BIDAM?
He was the abandoned child of Mishil from her union with King Jinji. After failing to get King Jinji on her side, Mishil stages a coup, replacing him with King Jinpyeong, and also discarding Bidam in the process since she has no use for him any longer. She was so into the competition of power that she even abandoned her own child Bidam. He was adopted and raised by Lord Munno, who aspired him to be the king who would lead the for the unification of the Three Kingdoms. That is, before he found out the true nature of Bidam’s character in an incident where Bidam assassinated a large group of people when he was just a young boy. After that incident, his master never trusted him again, always expecting the worse from him. Lord Munno, who initially was like a father figure, distanced himself from Bidam, treating him with detachment. This episode in Bidam’s life is the key event that forever haunts him. Bidam, often said in the drama itself, is one daunting specimen. It’s exactly this that leads to Bidam developing an eccentric character with a nut loose, one that mirrors his mother, Mishil and also inherited his god-like fighting skills. Bidam is thus a hybrid of Mishil’s cunning and Munno’s righteousness.
His ultimate downfall is his inability to trust. Being physically abandoned by his mother since a baby is more than enough to inflict pain in a child. He desperately wants to be wanted. He behaved the way he thought Munno wanted him to behave, to gain his approval. But Munno also abandoned him, albeit not physically, but emotionally. This feeling of being unwanted was heavy in his heart until one day he met Deokman, who was the first person to ever offer him what he was seeking – approval. She was the only person who showed gratitude to him and the only person who accepted him with her whole heart. Deokman seems to accept him for what he is; turning everything about him that he thought was bad into something positive. Thusly, he describes his attachment to Deokman ‘like a duckling that just comes out from the egg and followed the first person it sees at all cost’.
The heart of a young man who never had the chance of being loved intertwined in the strength of this great person, Deokman. For many instances, he was so inspired with the way Deokman handled her fate. The kind of person Deokman is what binds her with Bidam in different circumstances knowing the unpredictability of Bidam. Later on the drama, he helped her way to the throne. When she became Queen, their feelings for each other were revealed. Yes, Queen Seon Deok’s intention to give up the throne and live with Bidam for the rest of her days is sincere. But, her enemies turned her last dream a misery. Bidam died because he committed treason, he leads a rebellion against the country, which was of course due to a devise concocted by his followers for their own benefit. Bidam who is Lady Mishil’s son, is indeed a double-bladed weapon that erased Queen Seon Deok’s last dream.
WHAT IS BIDAM’S CHARACTER?
Bidam’s character is considered as the drama’s secret weapon.
Bi-dam’s personality is so complicated. It is hard to fully understand the character of Bi-dam. He has a layered character that stands on the thin line between good and evil. The character Bi-dam will go from one end of the spectrum to the extreme other end.
Bi Dam’s character is unique. He could be charming, funny, smart, clever, caring, kind, brave, and fighter person but suddenly he could become very fearful and mean.
Bidam at first was really out-going who enjoys his life. He is a good guy, someone who grows up to be a good and brave member of the Hwa-rang despite the sad back story of his birth. Yet, due to his surrounding environment, he begins to change as his hidden desires begin to come out.
Bidam is comical at times, but in a split second he becomes a cold-blooded killer. He is a mysterious character that challenges anyone and everyone he meets. When he wants something he could be more evil than Mi-shil.He will have what he wantsno matter what and that he’ll try to remove all obstacles that are laid in front of him.
Among others Bidam is a very innocent character. That’s how he doesn’t get swayed, he is happy to have a friend like Deokman and will get excited over his own thoughts when everyone else is serious. Everyone will say something about that to him but for Bi-dam, the excitement of doing something with a friend for the first time is greater. However, from that point on, Bi-dam, who had been on a blank page, will gradually start to express that he wants something. If Bi-dam till now was someone who is a good guy but has a side to him where he can occasionally kill people cruelly, I think he will gradually become someone who hides the evil growing inside him and deceive people by pretending to be good.
Bidam is actually quite simple minded, in a way. He wants acceptance, and he will do anything to achieve that. His desire, ultimately, is to be accepted by Deokman. He can be childlike. Any sign of trust from Deokman, and he’s over the moon. His devotion towards Deokman is very one-dimensional, which in real life can be a scary thing. Mishil once said to Bidam, “I tried to gain the throne by gaining people’s hearts. But you are trying to gain this country to gain people’s heart.” Unlike Yushin who turns his love for Deokman into a devotion of a subordinate towards his ruler, sharing her grandiose dream and dedicating his effort to achieve those dreams, Bidam is different. He couldn’t care less about those grand dreams, the title and fickle followers. For him, those are merely means to get to Deokman’s heart. What he wants is not Deokman the King, but Deokman the woman.
He’s too unpredictable. But rapidly he turned into a character that’s hard to ignore, and hard not to root for.
IS BIDAM BAD?
He had never known love. He was taken under the wings of his master who had treated him quite nicely at first, but after a horrible incident, he lost even that. The master chose to subject him to a self fulfilling prophecy when he put a cold emotional distance between them. Then there was his mother, the mother who even in her last breath never acknowledged him, referring to him as something she had already thrown and had no need for. All his life what he only wanted was acceptance. He struggled so much, always trying to prove himself worthy of people’s affection and trust, but sadly, nobody gave that to him. Yes, she was loved by Deokman, she accepted him for what he is with her whole heart. Deokman’s intention to give up the throne and live with Bidam for the rest of her days is sincere. But it was so sad that the people who follow him concocted a plan that inevitably loses his trust to his beloved Deokman.
Looking back, there was no moment that his love faltered. It is undeniable that she loved Deokman enough to support her and save her life in so many ways no matter how difficult the circumstances may be. Only when his mother, before its death, hinted an evil plan for him to accomplish, Bidam was swayed by her mother’s followers to seize the crown. Betrayed by a follower, Bidam thought that Queen Seon Deok betrayed him when in fact she was willing to abdicate the crown and live with him. It was too late, Bidam was declared an enemy of the state and had to die in her presence. Bidam was not really bad; he was just surrounded by people who are more than willing to play with his emotions just to get what they want. Being unnoticed by the King (his father), abandoned by her mother after his birth, and rejected by Munno who raised him. Despite the fact that he was a person who grew up with a blade and always ready to kill an enemy, he took care of his master before its death before anything else. Besides, Bidam died ten paces away from Queen Seon Deok with the fulfilment of his promise, to call her by her name- Deokman- even before his last breathe despite the fact that doing such disrespectful act is prohibited and as if their world is other than Shilla and the crown that was adorned in her head. In the heart of Queen Seon Deok, she wanted Bidam to call her Deokman and love her as a woman.
I would like to quote from a book The Shadow of the Wind, that I think describes Bidam’s situation: “The downside of childhood is that you don’t have to understand things to feel them. By the time your mind is able to comprehend, the cut is already too deep.” –Taken from a blog, sorry, I forgot the site.
What an enigma Bidam is. A character who possessed a special beauty, almost childish face which has ethereal quality that made it most arresting. There was certainly a subtle hint mystery in the eyes, there was unmistakable charm in the high cheekbones and the clear tan skin. The hair too was inordinately attractive. There was a fleeting instant when he looked positively murderous then it was gone just as quickly, leaving you wondering if you’d imagined it. Sudden grin one minute, dark face the next. Sometimes his smile is without a trace of humour. It more closely resembled devilish delight but looked breathtakingly attractive.
People might think his nothing but a mere complicated character in a story, only doing things for his own profit, but his not like that, his not like that. . .
I knew he’s something else the time he came out from the cave. From then on my heart couldn’t stop singing ‘dam dam bidam dam dam bidam dam, dam dam bidam dam dam bidam dam’ – (Rihanna’ Disturbia opening). In fact it’s so ironic because I told my best buddies before that I will only like a guy if he resembles Bidam. And supposed tomorrow would come without me seeing someone like him, then I would end up ‘The Last Single Girl Standing”.
It seems surreal. I feel goose bumps all over my body as if his here near me. Yet when I turned around, only the memory of his face lingers like we’re gazing face to face. I always found myself stunned while thinking his smile and laugh. Even if I don’t put it into words it happens every time. Surely, my dream guy came to flesh at last. Was it? Maybe, I don’t know. I still can’t get over him. It’s impossible but his hunting me even in my dreams.
And oh, there was his tragic ending, it was like a spear in my heart. Once there, I sank weakly on the cubicle. First one raking and then another escaped from me, and it was impossible to hold back any longer the tears I had always refused to shed. Then I burst into tears. Clenching my fingers, I forced myself to remain cool. It was a cruel in its honesty. It was a direct hit, leaving me pale with the pain of it.
Yes, I’ve been in love with an image and not with a real person. I admit, I didn’t know who Kim Nam Gil was. Certainly, it’s a plus factor that Bidam was played by Kim Nam Gil whose good looking himself. But I’m not in love with the actor Kim Nam Gil, instead I am in love with the character BIDAM. No offense to Kim Nam Gil fans (though I’m a KNG fan myself), but it doesn’t really matter to me if it’s portrayed by Kim Nam Gil or any other actor, good looking or not. What matter most is Bidam himself.
However, is it really possible to fall for someone who’s a product of others imagination? Could I continue to love him knowing his only a character in drama? Am I the sort of person who could spend the rest of my days in selfless devotion to a man who cannot and will not return my love? How could I fulfil this silly hopeless love of mine for Bidam? Is this another little game of self deception I play with myself? Maybe, I’m not just crazy, I am insane. I am certified ‘Dam dam disease infected’.
The story takes place in the southeast Korean kingdom, Silla, which has been expanded by the late King Jinheung.(The entire first 50 episodes spans the political and oftentimes physical battle between Mishil and the Royal Family). An aristocrat named Mishil, whose power could rival a king’s influence, desires to be queen. She has usurped part of the power from the Royal Family by convincing the people of the nation that she is Heaven’s Maiden. She uses this influence to gain followers in the court so that she can eventually gain the title of Queen despite her meager blood. One opportunity comes when the wife of King Jinheung‘s grandson, Jinpyeong, gives birth to twin girls. Because of Mishil, King Jinpyeong had to abandon one of this twin daughters because it was prophecized hundreds of years previously that the Sacred Bone male heirs would diminish when a King had Twins.
‘Queen Seon Deok official opening’
The prophecy says that ‘if a king has twin girls, the male seeds in the royal bloodline will dry up’, in other words, no proper royal male heir (Eochul Ssangsaeng Seonggol Nam Jin). However, it was also written that the twin would be the one to contend with Mishil and accomplish great things. Mishil and the nobles on her side plan to expose the twins so they can remove the current queen and get Mishil that position. In order to prevent this, Jinpyeong sends his youngest daughter away with a clumsy palace maiden, Sohwa (actually one of his servant), though not without huge regrets. The maid manages to escape pursuit with the help of one of the hwarangs (Silla equivalent of knights), Munno, the strongest hwarang in Silla.
Fifteen years later, the younger twin, named Deokman, grows up in the Taklaman Desert in China, surrounded by merchants and travelers who thought she was abandoned by his father but nevertheless was leading a happy and carefree life. She lives in a merchant town believeing So Hwa as her mother who has become sickly. Deokman is cunning, witty, and a tomboy. She was also naturally curious, witty, charming, naive and intensely loyal to the people she loves AND not afraid to put her life on the line to save others. Away from the pressure of the palace, she was able to learn many languages and read many books since different types of merchants travel for trading in China. She led a simple and quiet life unaware of her troubled past and the real reason why she lives in desert, so far away from the land from which she was born.
Then she meets Chilsuk, one of Mishil’s men who was sent to find the younger twin, who has been trying to carry out his lady’ orders for fifteen years. She was only made aware about her real identity when she was threatened by Chilsuk who came to kill both her and her mother who later realizes that Deokman is the twin and tries to capture her, but fails when a sandstorm strikes. Surprised to hear of someone so dedicated to look for her and kill her that she decided, after seeing her mother die in the desert, to get to the root of all these and look for the man who might have a clue to her true identity, Munno.
Deokman resolves to go to Silla to find out why she was being pursued. When she arrives, she meets her older sister, Princess Cheonmyeong, and future Korean general Kim Yu-shin. Five years later Deokman learns that she’s the daughter of the king who abandoned her, and Mishil once again tries to expose her, while a noble loyal to the king sends assassins to kill her. Chunmyeong tries to help her younger sister escape, but is accidently killed by one of Mishil’s people. Deokman then resolves to get the royal court to reacept her as princess of Silla and fight Mishil in her struggle for power.
Deokman go through a series of tragic events before she finds out who she is and decides that she is the only one who can contend with Mishil. So now she has to overcome the Prophecy about the twins and ascend the throne as Princess, first, to obtain her ultimate goal–Becoming the King or rather just the first female ruler.
In the beginning when Deokman becomes a Nangdo (a hwarang trainee), she kind of has a thing for Kim Yushin who is the Hwarang leader of the clan of Hwarang she’s in. Originally they were supposed to leave Gyerim all together and live the life of two normal people as they were running from Mishil, but it all changes when her sister Cheonmyeong was killed. Eventually, on her way to becoming Princess, Deokman meets up with this character Bidam who is a tragic character all of his own. Although at first all we see is his childish nature, we come to find out that Bidam is actually quite sly and is also a kickass martial artist and eventually becomes the number one swordsmans in all of Shilla. Bidam is actually the son of Mishil and King Jinji(who is the uncle of King Jinpyeong who was dethroned). After failing to get King Jinji on her side, Mishil stages a coup, replacing him with King Jinpyeong, and also discarding baby Bidam in the process since she has no use for him any longer.
His master, Munno, the Gukseon of the Hwarang (Basically a very high ranked Super Sect of Guards) was going to have Bidam marry Deokman in order for her to fulfill a prophecy that he was given by the late King Jinheung (King of Mishil’s original time and King Jinpyeong’s grandfather).
Well that went to hell because the palace maid entrusted with Deokman decided to run away somewhere with the baby so she could grow up normally instead of enthralled by palace intrigue. Later she has a conversation with Munno, when Deokman is all grown up and is Princess Deokman, where she says that Deokman can never marry Bidam because of who’s son he is. Bidam over hears this and is obviously very disheartened. Never had he before cared who his parents were that abandoned him but now he was curious.
Eventually Mishil and Bidam get together. Bidam finds out she’s his mother and Mishil finds out he’s her son. But Bidam is on Deokman’s team. He wants nothing more than to make Deokman’s dream of becoming King to come to fruition. But at the same time, Bidam is also doing this in order to be recognized by his Mother and make her sorry she abandoned him. In the end, she refused to admit that she ever cared for him but it was obvious that this was a lie. Her dying wishes were that he be the one to ascend the throne.
After Mishil’s death, Deokman becomes Queen (King). Bidam is one of the three political power houses and she used him in this way to kind of level out the playing field with the other two, Alcheon Rang and Yushin Rang. Bidam uses his position as the head of the Inspectorate to oust Yushin Rang from his position in order to gain even more power than he already had. While it looks for a while like maybe Bidam has aspirations for the throne.
Bidam’s ultimate goal is to marry Deokman, which would ultimately make him the King, although his reasons for doing so are very very innocent. Bidam is merely completely in love with Deokman and only wants to be the person in whom she can completely confide and on whom she can lean when she needs to. He wanted to be the person to ease the loneliness of her position. In order to make this possible, Bidam makes a secret pact with Deokman that when she departs this world, he will abdicate the throne and shall relinquish all his powers leaving the secular world. This convinces Deokman to marry him.
In the end, Bidam’s followers who are the support pillars of his political power, and not-so-coincidentally also the followers of the late Mishil, find out about this secret pact and are in fear of Kim ChunChu’s wrath because they were the ones who were responsible for his mother’s death. So to unable cope with being abandoned by Bidam, they use their influence to get Bidam in so much trouble that he has no choice but to join their cause. And even then Bidam’s devotion for Deokman is so strong he tells them hell no and goes to tattle on them to Deokman. However, his subordinate Yeomjong isn’t interested in letting him get away with that and ultimately has this palace guard try to kill him. When questioned about who sent him, the palace guard convinces Bidam that Deokman sent him because he was too much of a burden.
After being abandoned by Deokman, as well as his mother and his master, Munno, Bidam joins the cause of his subordinates and stages an insurection to the Queen. Eventually after Deokman is finally convinced that he has indeed joined them and she orders him to be an Enemy of the State, she finds out about Yeomjong’s plot and why Bidam is against her. But now its too late for her to help him and his demise is inevitable. Meanwhile, Bidam sends his own guy to find out about what Yeomjong did and only the night before the final battle does he find out that it was all Yeomjong’s plan. So he kills Yeomjong.
After the fortress Bidam was housed in falls, Bidam makes his way to the encampment of Queen Deokman to tell her the one thing he could never tell her before he dies. After an arduous battle with a gazillion people whose skills don’t even compare to his, Bidam makes it far enough that he’s only a few feet from Deokman, but he’s riddled with arrows and eventually Yushin stabs him in the gut. He whispers what he wanted to say to her… and then dies. Bidam died ten paces away from Queen Seon Deok with the opportunity to whisper her name despite the fact that doing such disrespectful act is prohibited.
After his death, Deokman forces Yushin to tell her what he said. And he said “Deokman.” This is significant because earlier when Bidam confessed his love and devotion for Deokman, Deokman told him that she no longer had a name. She was merely “Her Majesty.” To which he replied, “I will be the one to call your name.” And she told him that to do so was treason. Well, now that he’s already drenched in treason, might as well go the whole hundred yards, right? So Deokman sheds a tear for him. And not long after, Deokman whose afflicted with some kind of malady died. If there could be heaven above the earth, they could meet there, which is why Deokman asked to view the heavens, the land, and what is between, before the story ended. Indeed, the path ahead of the great Deokman is arduous, but she was able to endure it to the end..
Thisknee Land 